Change yourself and watch life around you change 

If we truly want the things around us to change, we have to be willing to change ourselves. Any time I become unwilling to do the necessary work, life will reflect the gravity of that unwillingness as a hardened choice to escape responsibility and accountability.

There is a specific pattern that emerges when we are off course, leading us into to defend our own irrational choices to remain off course, regardless of how many times our loved ones attempt to help us back to ourselves. It is a work of futility because the only way to do the work is to be willing to accept honest assessments of our actions and character and do the work. No one can do the work for us. We must be willing to go there on a cellular level and make the necessary changes ourselves.

As long as I continue to argue for my limitations, this is a clear sign that I’ve lost who I am and my own spiritual identity. When I do fail to reconnect to my true purpose, I’m completely failing to uphold the promises I made to myself and the others.

I choose to take accountability for my choices to numb out and today to stop making excuses for how far off path I’ve become.

Part of my main reason for being here was to channel the light and integrity of my higher self to help others through the integral complexities of spiritual awakening, to help empower others to realize their full potential.

I realized today that I cannot lead if I’m unwilling to do it myself. I cannot ask others to do inner work if I myself fail to hold myself to that same standard.

Months ago, I began to worry about money and shifted my focus from expressing the truths of my connection to my higher self to help others. Instead, I ended up abandoning my self-expression of the truths of my higher self and the love and integrity that this encompasses.

I found myself on a downward momentum of stopping all personal soul expression, becoming locked into a trap and pattern of instead riding on the coattails of others’ expressions of truth as if I myself had nothing further to offer this world. The promise of a second income by clipping another’s video completely failed. No extra income was ever made even after months of work.

In the midst of this realization, I’ve discovered something about myself that is incredibly uncomfortable to admit. This is about arguing for my limitations and being unwilling to change because of holding onto a version of myself that is in direct confrontation with my true being and the nature of my potential.

The major impact of failing to do the inner work to finally heal the fear of financial struggle and working an additional 7 hours a day on top of a regular job has taken its toll because everyone within my orbit suffers too.

Being unwilling to see myself in the mirror held up while arguing for my limitations, I stopped really supporting others at a deep level in helping them see their own potential because I became unwilling to truly see my own potential and to love, honor and respect myself. This of course spills out into all my interactions with life, from my significant other to all the people who need me to show up as myself and not some poor copy of who I truly am.

So I’ve decided to stop. In the interim I’ve gotten really good at editing video but it’s taking me away from the dharma (duty) of what I promised myself before coming into this life: to express myself authentically and to use that expression to start a fire that can ignite souls to truly find their own purpose.

I choose to learn right along with everyone else because after this experience, it’s clear to me that one wrong choice creates a domino effect that spirals out from that wrong choice and works to dismantle all the spiritual work we accomplished before that choice. So I sincerely offer my amends to all of my friends, loved ones and followers who stopped expecting spiritual content from me because I was way too preoccupied with some delusion of a promise of money which can never come if we abandon our dharma (duty) as well as our true selves.

Thanks for listening.