Losing your life to reclaim your life empowered

I’d like to think that I’m just a normal guy. I work, pay my taxes, and try to be a decent human being. I lead a very active lifestyle. Even in the midst of the covid epidemic, I’ve managed to stay busy doing Rideshare airport runs to help cover the sizable drop in music contracting work.

January 1, 2021, I was really happy to get past 2020 as probably one of the most volatile years ever, both personally and professionally. Like most New Years Days, I was filled with hope for the future and getting into fulfilling promises I made to others and to myself.

Then I began feeling ‘off’. My appetite was absent and I started feeling sluggish. Then the nausea began. Color started draining from my face. They said I looked “gray”.

Then on January 25, 2021, I was in the bathroom getting ready to take a shower and collapsed. I remember falling and landing on the floor; I did what I always do when I fall: I laughed at myself. The cold floor felt good on my back for some reason so I decided to lay there for just a few minutes before getting back up.

I never did. I blacked out.

Three days later, someone placed a call placed for wellness check since I had completely dropped off the map and disappeared. My friends finally broke the door down to the bathroom and discovered me laying there, unconscious, barely breathing and half naked. They called 911 and when the EMTs arrived, they immediately put me on a respirator as I was barely breathing.

Tests later showed that I had acute pneumonia, kidney failure and renal failure. Later it was discovered that I had ingested a rare bacteria which aggravated existing conditions. They theorized that it could have been unwashed veggies.

Apparently I did not regain consciousness for ten days. During that time, I teetered between life and death. While most of it was black and empty and void, although I do remember several instances where I left my body and entered into an entirely new dimension.

I characterized this dimension as ‘fluid space’. Every movement I made while in fluid space affected everything else in the universe as I could see ripples of energy and vibrations going out in all directions in time and space.

There was a gentle hum of energy like the vibration of a nonstop OM chant. I also remember the color of everything being very vivid almost like increasing the color saturation on a television set. Rose, Violet, indigo, blue, and purple were particularly vibrant and amazing looking. There were beautiful infinite geometric pattern repeating out into infinity that breathed as if they were living sentient beings.

Then I saw it. A gigantic head, the size of a man’s body, right in front of me, attached to an immense being of light between 50 to 100 feet tall. There was no talking. Just this very insistent hum which penetrated every cell, atom and electron of me and the universe.

There was an array of beings like this, also on a repeating pattern going out into infinity. The being before me seemed to barely notice me at all. All communication was telepathic with images and feelings leading the way.

Space looked liquid. It was not like our world. Every motion was felt by the entirety of creation. I was also shown my life and how anytime I attempted to control the outcome or force a situation, I discovered I was literally resisting the universe. And that the more I let go, the more the universe would flow unabated and unrestricted by my meddling and very human need to control, intentional or unintentional.

A thought entered my mind. I had reflected back on my life and realized that my successes were receding and that things were slowly drying up for me as far as new opportunities. As I began to judge myself, I started to feel rather insignificant and lost, thinking that if this was my time, seriously, who would miss me, and wondered if given the choice would I really want to go back to the living again. Everything that mattered to me was either taken or lost.

My mind began to flood with images. (Later I realized that this was their way of communication). It was almost like a life review, seeing how many people I have impacted in my life both positively and negatively. They also showed me how every kindness I have ever offered anyone in my life felt like to the person on the receiving end. There were more instances of this then I could count.

This realization moved me to the core.

These beings were trying to make sure that I understood that I made a greater impact by living than I realized. It also became quite apparent that I found comfort in playing small. I was not just a normal nobody but had a specific purpose for being on earth.

They explained to me without words that I was making a positive difference. I honestly didn’t even know that I was.

That said, they communicated that I had a choice to go back or to stay. That I had earned the right to choose. At that moment, I got a bird’s eye view swooping over the heads of every person I knew. I saw how little fragments of things I said literally affected them and how they began to embody these thought and feeling fragments into their lives.

The universe in this dimension felt like a giant biofeedback chamber. The universe felt like a vibrant, living entity, a living being where everything was connected to everything else. They telepathically emphasized that our physical universe was similar but that it was easier to observe in that realm.

I was already an empath before any of this happened. But I’ve noticed that my ability to attune to others and their feeling world was amped up to a whole new level.

I’ve never had an NDE before. Not easy to explain. It’s like it exists outside of linear time and anytime I think about I’m back in an altered higher dimensional time space field.

Lately, I feel deeper than I let on. If someone is in pain, I don’t actually take on their pain. But I do see clearly how they’ve painted themselves into a corner. I know it’s not my job to heal them. But lately, I weep for people. Late at night when everybody is sleeping. And ask their guides to free them from the illusion that keeps them stuck, hiding out, pretending.

I am concerned about this world. People are so out of touch with who they are. It nearly feels like physical pain to me to tune into that. I want people to be happy and free and light. But it’s not up to me. It’s up to them.

So I post inspirational material to help them do it on their own.

These past six weeks, I’ve wept in this way nearly every night. I’m not processing their pain. I’m processing how they’re responding to their pain and the burdens they walk around with. Without permission, I can do nothing to help them other than have compassion.

It is very rare to talk to anyone who gets it. I’m not a needy person and I handle things on my own. But occasionally the stark loneliness of wondering if I’m the only one who feels this way envelops me.